Hey queen,

This is for when you know what you need to do but just can’t muster up the courage or strength to do it. 

Lately I’ve been holding a lot of anxious energy that has been stirring within me ever since I decided that 2024 is the year I step on stage to share my message about using fun as a success strategy. I’ve envisioned myself on stages since I was a little girl but never knew exactly what I would be sharing until last year. When I had my “fun revelation” it all clicked into place and I knew deep in my bones that my impact on the world would forever circulate around helping others enjoy their lives more, because I believe that’s one of the primary reasons God put us here – for delight and joy. 

Quick note on that idea – running with the belief that God is the creator of the universe and earth and all inhabitants – what reason besides delight and joy did He have to create us? God is almighty, sovereign and completely whole on His own, the addition of our world was not satisfying a need but was simply… a bonus. So if you’re ever pondering your purpose… you enjoying your miraculous human life is enough. 😉 

Anyway, this year I’ve taken many baby steps in overcoming my fear of public speaking, including joining a local Toastmasters, grabbing the mic at networking events, hosting virtual masterclasses and workshops, and going LIVE online more. All important steps but up until today I was so focused on the long term vision that I was completely dismissing them all. What I’m now awakening to is how easy it is to lose sight of what’s important when the pain of inaction kicks in. 

When I say “pain of inaction,” I’m referring to the endless scenarios that your imagination runs wild with all day. I’m referring to the constant nagging voice in your head telling you to just do the damn thing you’re so afraid of, and the heavy tension that sinks from your chest into your stomach every time you think about the risk. What I’ve come to find is that divine callings are patient and compassionate. Ideas will wait when they want to move through YOU as the vessel, but they will begin to rot inside of you if you do not take action.

9 months ago I felt the calling start to nudge me and ask me to take action, so I began taking small steps then getting distracted (or more so distracting myself so I don’t have to do the scary thing.) As time goes by and my comfort zone has expanded, it has become more painful to sit in this place of desire and knowing than it would be to fall flat on my face while facing my fear. I’m now choosing a type of discomfort that is full of regret and self denial rather than choosing the discomfort that is a direct pathway to fulfillment, relief and reward in the form of all my dreams coming true. Seems pretty illogical, doesn’t it?

That’s the human condition – to have such a strong bias for comfort that it doesn’t even make sense. To fear rejection literally more than dying (I’ve skydived twice in my life but I’m paralyzed by the idea of fumbling my words in front of strangers?), seriously whack. But this is where I’m at and I’m sharing this with you to A) face the reality of my self sabotage, B) offer everyone trying to do the scary thing GRACE because it’s not what we’re neurobiologically wired to do. 

We are wired for survival, not optimization, and right now speaking on stages is not a survival mechanism. I could turn it into one by positioning myself in place of need but obviously that’s no fun and I would never choose fear as the driving force. So today I came to a different conclusion that has evoked an excitement for going back to Toastmasters tonight for the first time in months.

I was on the phone with a friend talking about my concern towards memorizing presentations earlier today, and she asked me how I could enjoy being a beginner at this (instead of comparing myself to seasoned pros and suffocating myself with pressure.) After a moment of contemplation, I felt my energy lift and my body language open up as I said, “I need to redirect my drama.” 

Since I’ve been dabbling in the world of poetry I’ve realized I have a hidden gem passion for drama, which when I think back isn’t so hidden because boredom is the worst possible place for me to be – if I am not feeling something intense I will fabricate some drama in my life. I also just love emotions being expressed to their fullest extent, I find it liberating. 

Over the past couple months I’ve been giving all my drama and emotion to my stage fright instead of pouring it into what I’m saying on stage. When delivering a message, drama is a tool to be leveraged because the whole intention is to make people feel something. I had never seen my time in front of others from this angle and now parts of me that were once filled with tension and darkness are now lighting up and floating. I get to be dramatic here. I’m supposed to be as ME as I possibly can… HOW FUN?

I’m heading out to tonight’s meeting with the intention to channel my drama loving self… will report back soon. 

(5 hours later)

I’M BACK and happy to report that this experience was my best yet. People were welcoming and happy to see me and I responded to “impromptu” questions twice and actually felt quite witty and like my true self. I didn’t consciously think about being dramatic while I was there but the seed was planted, and I believe this allowed me to let go a little and say what I actually thought instead of trying to filter it five times first. I feel SO light and relieved and see now that the pain of inaction is a great sign: it’s premature evidence that regardless of how doing the scary thing turns out, you’ll feel better just having done it. The rest is figure-out-able. 

As I nestle into the couch for an evening of my favorite comfort TV show “Ginny & Georgia” as a reward from me to me, I want to poke the part of you who knows exactly what she’s meant for: 

What are you not doing that you know you will have to take action on at some point?

What makes now the RIGHT time to do it? 

And how can you make it FUN? // Enjoy being a beginner?

If you want private guidance asking and answering yourself hard questions like this, and support in making every step of a hard journey FUN… click the “coaching” tab and see if Limitless Leaders speaks to you. If so, apply and together we can condense your timeline and make it way more fun 🙂

Xo,

Kari

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The Hey Queen Blog

A collective of soulful stories and encouraging letters written to anchor women with big dreams into the joy

of today while inspiring tomorrow!