Hey queen,
Read this when you’re tired of feeling scared to put yourself, your ideas and your passions into this world.
The other day, my business partner challenged // encouraged me to put more energy into mentioning and sharing my book as a helpful resource to others. Our conversation quickly shined a light on something I’ve been avoiding for a while now.
Care to dive into the deep end with me now? Let’s do it:
Creating, publishing and promoting a book that is from the soul and very personal — especially for the first time — is an emotional journey. One that quickly becomes very vulnerable and stuffed to the brim with imposter syndrome.
In addition to those common challenges, I had some extra bumps in the road. Some of which I’ve shared publicly, some of which I will never share out of respect those involved. (For the behind the scenes of this part of the journey, listen The Fun Side podcast episode: The Courage to Create)
It was hard not to let the challenges and the overall reality of seeing behind the velvet curtain suck the magic out my life long dream.
I remember how hard it was to rest and enjoy post-launch day because of all the pressure to hit bestseller status in the first 3 days.
I also remember the precious core memory of my sister waking me up on day two by standing two inches over my face and saying “YIN, WAKE UP! YOU’RE A BESTSELLING AUTHOR!!” ❤️🔥
I remember the pre launch nervous breakdown.
I remember my grandfather passing the same day I was in NYC for my billboard.
I remember being so genuinely devastated and hyper critical the first time I picked up a copy that I threw it across the room in tears.
Yet I also remember the unparalleled joy I felt celebrating with my friends, family and community. I felt more seen and supported than ever before.
It was all just… a LOT. A lot to feel, a lot to process, a lot to grow through.
So as master-avoiders do, I slipped into a state of avoidance and avoided the best, most purposeful creation of my life.
It was like I birthed the book and then tossed it into the dumpster like those horrid stories you hear on the news. Okay that’s a little dramatic — I didn’t toss it out or murder it, I just put it high on the shelf.
I knew I was supposed to be proudly sharing and showcasing this book to create more opportunities to spread the message of fun and joy. But instead I procrastinated dealing with the bag of emotions and toxic internal narratives that awaited me.
I actually feel bad for my book, as if it’s a living breathing organism. Maybe even as if it were a human. Because it’s impossible not to feel hurt when someone is ashamed of you. And in some ways, deep down, I guess that’s what it was.
I was ashamed of my best, most purposeful work of my life, which mirrored to me how much shame I hold over myself — my imperfections, mistakes. My younger self.
Why does it always come back to this? *teleports to my therapists couch*
I’ve been doing my work around shame for years now, and thankfully a lot has changed for the better.
So the fact that this topic is still a forever journey I’m navigating vs something that o fix in one fell swoop — feels very frustrating to me. I’m a gal of fixing and solutions.
But I suppose that’s the work we must remain dedicated to, in order to live a life we love and enjoy.
My love and enjoyment comes in the form of connecting soul to soul with others, making a positive impact and experiencing adventure.
Living a life with dense with these things requires me to do the hard, relentless inner work.
It requires me to find ways to release the shame so that I can throw myself into the life I’m innately called to live — one where I’m sharing my mission and message instead of rejecting it and letting impact slip through the cracks.
And my friend, I wish the same for you.
I hope you create fearlessly from your soul instead of quieting every whisper you hear within.
I hope your stomach twists through the visceral vulnerability and you go for it anyway.
I hope you look shame in the face and remember that it’s just an illusion — a gray smog in a blue sky of love. A smog that you can gently blow away at any given moment.
I hope you do the work it takes to live a life you truly, deeply enjoy.
And I am proud to say that the pages within my book, Fun Because, are a very loving, supportive place to start this work. And you can find it on the “book” tab at the top of this page. 😉
En•joy, and let me know when you land on The Fun Side
– xo, Kari
