Hey queen, 

This story is for the free spirits who love a fresh start and a new adventure. 

A Push Through the Dark

I walked out of the building in tears before church even started. 

The summer of 2024 was one of spiritual growth and internal transformation, which is always a reliable indicator that a big pivot is around the corner. 

All week I had been receiving subtle signs affirming that I’m entering a new chapter, so when I woke up 7am on a Sunday (2 hours earlier than my weekday wake) just to be seated in the overflow section of our beloved mega church, Elevation… it pushed me over the edge. 

“Not even the one place my soul gets filled, is the same anymore.” I thought in a pouty tone as I sulked through the parking lot, tears pooling beneath my oversized sunglasses. 

A true diva moment. 

Every time I’ve made a big identity shift in the past it was paired with a relocation to at least a different city, multiple times a different state. I find it easier to release limitations and old habits when the surge of change momentum is overpowering. 

It’s like swimming with the current vs upstream – you can be whoever you want when everything is new and no one knows who you’ve been. So guess what happened next? 

I decided it’s time for a fresh start. 

With tension in my chest and panic in my voice I sat in the passenger’s seat unloading all the reasons why it’s time for us to pack up and move on as my husband sat with guarded, yet listening ears.

 

The sunsets are incredible in Arizona. 

The pace is slower and the people are… chill-er. 

I feel untethered and free every time we’re out there. 

We’re entering a new chapter, and new chapters need new environments. 

I want to get away from all the old, and into the new. 

 

I talked myself in circles until I was spinning in a corner. 

These are the moments a marriage can truly shine. Watching Alex get to know me better and better with time inspires me to get to know myself better, or more so to tend to my own needs as kindly as he does. In a calm voice he asked me if I’d like to drive outside the city to go for a hike with the dogs that afternoon. 

My soul lunged forward – more than anything, yes.

A few hours later our conversation continued in the car as the hills of North Carolina became mountains and the corporate offices became steepled white churches. By the time we were on our feet moving up the mountain I had moved onto, “What if we moved to Asheville? It’s still on the east coast, it’s a functioning city with an airport and it’s immersed in nature.”

It can be pretty easy to identify our daily habits, like having dessert after dinner or leaving your shoes in the hallway. But large-scale habits can fly way above our heads. As I mentioned earlier, my habit has always been to wipe the slate clean when the tides begin to turn. To cut and run and (try) to never look back, which becomes a real hindrance for the relationships and memories I simultaneously try to preserve. This has proven helpful for my growth in the past, but the difference this time is that I actually like what I’ve built. We have a cozy home in a city we love and a community we care about. 

As someone who loves novelty and new experiences, I was facing two ways to pursue newness:

 

1. A) Flood my life with newness by moving to a new city 
2. B) Try something entirely new… and stay. 

 

As we sat at the summit and watched the September sun sink in the sky, I looked around anf saw how much love exists in my life, how much ease, how much fun, how much contentment is readily available to wrap me in a warm hug… should i let it. I saw how much higher I am now floating than I ever have after years of struggle. 

This caused me to keep looking down instead of continuing to rise into a life that just keeps getting better. The thought of things getting even better seemed too good to be true, and even erupted feelings of greed. 

As I admired the pine trees and tiny paper sailboats gliding across the lake resting in the valley, a calm voice whispered…

 

Great things can happen when you stay and build. 

 

I see it now – that closure is inevitable when we turn the page, but also that the best stories are the ones that build. Not the ones that kill off all the characters every chapter. There would be no journey in that, no passion, no triumph. 

Today I heard someone on a podcast say, “That behavior is new for me, which means its growth.” And as a radical overthinker, the simplicity of this truth was such a relief. I don’t know about you, but I spend a lot of time investigating and extracting meaning from every single thing that happens until there are too many signs to read. 

Sometimes all we have to do is choose an option that is different from how we normally respond, like an experiment. Instead of experimenting with a new city, I’ve decided to experiment with staying… at least for a little while longer. 

If you are in the middle of a transformation, know that you’re not alone in feeling uncertain about everything, like you’re a stranger in your own life. You’re not alone in overthinking, overcomplicating or self sabotaging even though you really don’t think you’re self sabotaging. 

It takes courage and strength to transform.  We have to grow through the dirt in order to bloom in the open air, and naturally it is a push through the dark, always. But  the sun of our souls, joy, is always waiting on the other side. 

Keep growing, keep choosing something new.

And never forget to enjoy.

 

xo – Kari

ARE YOU READY TO BREAK GLASS CEILINGS &

EXPAND THE JOY AND SUCCESS IN YOUR LIFE?

 

If so, my “Grow with Fun & Flow Challenge” is the perfect space to begin. Within this experience you’ll learn and implement my signature methodology and use fun as a tool for rapid growth. The next round begins in September!

 

The Hey Queen Blog

 

A collective of soulful stories and encouraging letters written to anchor women with big dreams into the joy

of today while inspiring tomorrow!