Hey queen,
Read this when it seems like life should feel fun, and it doesn’t. Or just when you’re curious to know exactly how to spark joy whenever you want. (cool, right?)
You know that feeling of incurable dissatisfaction when you’re peak PMS?
Like you need everything and nothing all at once.
When you want to cuddle but feel incessantly annoyed by every breath your partner takes.
When you’re starving but nothing sounds good, and you’re cranky but nothing could make you happy… and you don’t even want to try to be happy.
I call this wet blanket energy – when nothing entices, nothing suffices.
And you know what makes WBE suck extra?
When it falls on you for mysterious reasons at times when you should, in theory, feel very excited and happy.
ie: when you just hit your highest month of revenue all year or booked a flight to a bucket list destination.
Or even worse — when you’re actually on that vacation and everything is quite literally perfect.
But instead of laughing at nothing and hanging your head out the window singing at the top of your lungs, you stare ahead with dead face and wet blanket energy hanging heavy.
I’ve been there more times than I like to admit, for various reasons that I’m always curious to dissect.
But on this last trip to Hawaii, WBE hit different.
And I think I know why I had a bad case of it for a couple days — not because I was hormonal, but because everything was too easy, too perfect, too… comfortable.
What a spoiled twerp, am I right?
Actually, wrong.
Studies show that it’s common to feel depressed or experience anhedonia (numbness to joy) when you’ve met all your goals or have everything you want.
So basically, when you finally reach the destination, you’re wired to feel shittier than you did on the climb.
Who the heck made us like that? Rude.
This got me thinking — How do we deeply enjoy the arrival we worked so hard for?
Do we slap our own wrists and tell ourselves to be grateful? No, we don’t. Thankfully, I’ve done enough therapy to know that shaming oneself doesn’t exactly lead to happiness.
I speak often about the importance of the three elements of fun (connection play and creativity), but today I want to zoom in on the minute details of how to spark joy when you need it most.
Aka, when you don’t want to waste precious moments being a crankass instead of a frolicking queen.
So here’s as practical as we can get…
5 PROVEN WAYS TO SPARK JOY (and the science behind each):
- Listen to upbeat music and DANCE
Research shows music directly impacts dopamine production, while dancing has been shown to reduce stress hormones and increase serotonin and endorphins. One study published in Frontiers in Human Neuroscience found that dancing activates the brain’s reward and emotional regulation systems simultaneously — meaning you’re not just “having fun,” you’re literally shifting your nervous system state.
No one cares if you suck at dancing, if you don’t feel like it ,or if you are sitting down in public. Move the stagnant energy through your body and let it be ugly. Shake, wiggle, awkwardly shimmy your head and your shoulders. Just feel the vibe and let it flood you with good vibes from the inside out — we both know it works. Don’t be lazy.
- Do something that scares you or at minimum, makes you uncomfortable.
Studies in psychology show that novelty, uncertainty and moderate risk increase dopamine and adrenaline — the exact chemicals associated with motivation, excitement and feeling alive. Researchers also found that people tend to feel happiest while challenged just beyond their comfort zone.
Think about your best adventures in life: riding a bike for the first time, traveling to a foreign country, getting married, having a baby, etc. You know what they all have in common? A dose of fear. Some more than others.
This is not a coincidence — when we’re uncomfortable or a little afraid, we’re fully present. Fully engaged with life. There’s a riveting feeling of aliveness that is awakened by uncertainty and risk. We call this adventure. Instead of opting for comfort — Choose adventure. Plan for it and enjoy it.
- Do what you gotta do to make yourself LAUGH
Laughter has been shown to lower cortisol, increase oxygen intake, stimulate circulation and release endorphins. Researchers at Oxford even found that laughing socially increases pain tolerance because of the endorphin release — which basically means your body chemically rewards you for joy and connection. There’s also evidence that shared laughter strengthens social bonds faster than almost anything else.
Watch the stupid TikTok compilation. Call the friend that makes you wheeze laugh. Put on the dumb movie. Be immature. Be dramatic. Humor is not frivolous, it’s one of the fastest ways to interrupt spiraling thoughts and pull yourself back into the present moment.
- Learn something new
Trying new things stimulates neuroplasticity — your brain’s ability to form new neural connections. Research shows novelty activates the brain’s reward circuitry and can increase dopamine, memory retention and overall life satisfaction. In other words: your brain literally likes when you stop repeating the same exact day over and over.
Take a class, buy a cookbook and attempt a chaotic recipe, learn a dance on TikTok, take a surfing lesson, watch a documentary about something wildly random. Humans are wired for curiosity. We feel more alive when we’re expanding, not just consuming.
- Create something
Studies consistently show that creative expression lowers anxiety and stress while improving mood and emotional regulation. Even simple acts of creativity — doodling, decorating, styling outfits, journaling — have been linked to increased feelings of meaning, confidence and vitality.
Write, draw, put a unique outfit together, take artsy photos, create a just-for-fun piece of content, rearrange your living room, bake something unnecessarily elaborate. Creation pulls us out of passive consumption and back into participation with our own lives.
So there you have it – the top 5!
Now that we’ve had this chat, we’ve gotta use these tools to soak in the best moments of life without WBE. Deal?
I know I don’t need to convince you that this is important, but just in case you forgot…
Life is short. We have no idea how many more memories we have left, and getting swept up into fun and joy is truly the most productive thing we can do because it overflows into everything else in life we care about.
So do it. Have fun. Enjoy your life on purpose, instead of waiting for it to happen.
If you’re looking for the girls who feel passionately about this and about their big lofty goals — We’ve been waiting for you on The Fun Side, sis. 🫶
Click here to get notified about events and other new ways you can join the fun (there is some super fun stuff coming soon!)
And as always – enjoy.
Xo- Kari